I like to blend in, but I like to be different. I like to stand out, but I don’t like attention. I thrive in structure, but I need flexibility to be creative. I like to be busy, but don’t want excessive commitment. I need to plan ahead, but prefer spontaneity. I want someone to tell me what to do, but I want to figure it out on my own.
I realized many years ago that I’m a Walking Oxymoron. I didn’t know it was a popular term and just thought I was creative. It was entertaining then, but it really solidified over time where my husband actually reminded me recently that it’s pretty accurate. The discussion came up when I was venting about different jobs. He says “Kelli, you don’t work well with others- we get it. That’s why you need to make your own business and work from home” (or something to that effect). I had to tell him I do work well with others, I just require structure AND flexibility. Of course he laughed at me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m difficult. I don’t intend to be, I’m just very…particular. Who isn’t though?! We all like to do things a certain way- wash our dishes a certain way, make our beds a certain way, even pay our bills a certain way. So, why is it an issue at work to want things done a certain way? Because usually someone else is in control and gets to make those decisions you then have to follow.
Some people may think that being difficult, or particular is an issue. Some may think being direct is a problem, and in my experience those are usually the people I struggle with the most. I find being direct is more efficient, but it requires a level of confidence not everyone possesses. I learned some time ago that I interpret and perceive things very differently than most, so to ensure effective communication I need to ask questions. I ask a lot of questions. Any supervisor I’ve ever had will probably joke about the sheer amount of questions I asked, but I always accomplished what was needed.
At the end of the day, we’re all unique. We all have varying strengths and weaknesses that make up who we are, our individuality should be celebrated and promoted. I constantly search for a “stable” job, but I end up trying for standard positions that feel like I’m a round peg trying to fit through a triangle hole. Why bend and fold for something that might be right, instead of creating what IS right? Therefore, husband isn’t wrong (don’t tell him that). That is why I’m working on pursuing my own avenues to be in control of my particular visions. I know it’s possible to blend in, but be different. It’s just navigating all possibilities to find the right one. Stay tuned- I’ll get there!