Terrifying Change

If you’re anything like me, you strongly dislike change. You get comfortable with your familiar routine. Wake up, get some coffee, make some breakfast, get the kids ready, drop off to daycare, go to work, and repeat every day. Routine is nice, my kids thrive with routine. Wake up a little late and all heck breaks loose. Now, subtle change can be irritating, especially if you didn’t cause it. I however am currently navigating some big life changes that not only affect me, but my kids as well. I’ll clarify that my big life change is big for me, not to be compared with anyone else’s life because in the grand scheme of things- this is merely nothing.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my daycare provider- my sister- that I had interest to stay home with the kids. My husband is FULLY supportive of that change, and we’re close to being able to financially do so. However, I am terrified of “just getting by”. If anyone knows me, they know I overthink and worry a lot about everything. It may not be healthy, but I’ve learned how to manage it with plans, upon plans, upon other plans. Plan for the worst, and we’re covered. When you’re “just getting by” you can’t plan for worst case scenario comfortably. Oh, and we’re a dual military family- what if the need arises we both need to be gone, or I need to leave for trainings. Who will watch the kids then?! So many questions. Back to my point- my sister has now found an amazing opportunity that is great for her and her family and I am so excited. Now what do I do?

So many families across the country struggle with childcare needs. It’s an ongoing hot topic that the strict regulations are pushing daycare providers out of business, but the high costs are pushing qualified workers out of the workforce. Then, the kids are so darn cute, I just want to snuggle them all day! I have a tentative position I’d like to apply for, but I’m currently waiting to find out if that daycare has openings for my youngest who is under the age of 2. That is the hardest and most expensive position to find. It is also heavily dictating my career path. It may seem to others that I’m non committal, and to a degree that’s true, but there are so many factors that weigh on decisions as a parent. The logistics regarding kids and groceries are my big factors! How do I get the kids to daycare/school on time, pick them up on time, get to work on time (even when weather and traffic are horrible), how do I accomplish everything I need to all at the same time?!

Can you feel the stress I put on myself for a simple career change move? It’s not intentional, but at the end of the day, I’m afraid of being wrong- making the wrong decision that impacts my kids in a way I don’t want. Yes, kids are resilient. Yes, we will get through this. Yes, it is a learning curve for life. However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to mitigate those risks ahead of time. I’m a firm believer that what is meant to happen will. Life is about timing, opportunity, and hard work. <Insert all sorts of cliché life sayings here> they all apply. If you’re like me, you overthink, overanalyze, overstress- we can do this. There’s a plan for us that we’re navigating through and trying to make the best of. We have friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, you name it- they care about us and we will succeed! Communities raise kids together and if you’re in need of a community let me know- I’ll join it!

The guy that’s seen me through all my big life changes.

3 thoughts on “Terrifying Change

  1. I dislike change when I’m in my comfy bubble. But, sometimes you need the change and if you’re comfortable in the bubble, a gentle push is what you need.


  2. Being poor as crap is terrifying to look at from the outside, but as long as you have enough to get by & a salty sense of humor, it’s not so bad. You adjust. We just do a lot more of everything at home.

    The child care is something downright terrifying to me. So for now we’re opting to work opposite schedules & catch up on husband & wife time later. It is expensive. But for me, I have an extremely difficult time putting trust in people I don’t know.

    I feel ya on life changes. We’ve been in transition for a while now, but that’s also not a bad thing. I’m happier taking big changes in baby steps, week by week, instead of trying to figure it out all at once. Because, I never realized we had this is common, I also always have on hand disaster plans A, B, hopefully C & usually a partially baked D & E. It’s how I maintain an “adaptive” personality. 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

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